literature

Rainwater

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Sigma-Echo-Seven's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Her hand pulled from mine –
slipped, like rainwater,
drifting through night;
her voice, confessed soft
sorrows as I dreamt.

"I no longer
believe
in storms like you."
I'll probably expand this later, because I'm a masochist.
Β© 2013 - 2024 Sigma-Echo-Seven
Comments12
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Nullibicity's avatar
Oh dear lord. I’m at a loss for words: This is positively gorgeous. I don’t even know where to start explaining my emotions, or if I even possess the ability right now! You can expand this if you’d like, but I really like it at this length: It sends a more powerful message, for me. I also feel adding on to it would perhaps dampen the meaning, unless the following parts possessed the same intensity. There are also so many conflicting feelings here, I feel, supporting further thought even after the last line is read. Quite beautiful, really.

The ending, to me, just wrapped it up exquisitely. Often times, I find endings to leave the reader unsatisfied or still yearning for that extra "oomph!" This delivered that and more. It's consistent in its agony and in its strength through the whole entire piece, and the imagery in every line just carries you effortlessly to the end. The fact that you've left "believe" on its own line was something I actually applauded you for: It adds so much more, and the emphasis on this word really leads the readers thoughts in the right direction, I think.
Beautiful work, as seems to be a pattern of your work. :heart: